Today, Oct.16th is the anniversary of my father’s last day in his life. I still cannot believe he is gone. It may be because I still carry “him” (or “his”). The day changed Everything that I was carrying (as Sashiko). I wouldn’t have chosen a way to disclose the Sashiko we practice to the world as I do today without 10/16/13. I didn’t like him much. However, we are here because of our parents, grandparents, and ancestors. Denying what they did may end up denying who we are… “Caring for wisdom – willingness from the previous generation” is one of the core messages I deliver via Sashiko. It is too sad to see a dispute between “old and new generations.” We are all on one side after all – on the same line. I hope the Sashiko can just remind us of the simple fact.
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I wonder what kind of photo I can use for today’s sentiment. Then, I found one from 2011, in Iwate, for the Sashiko Recovery Project after the Earthquake. 70% thinner than who I am today. I was very “cold” and often argued with my father. Yet, wearing the same thimble. Attempting the denim mending. Well. I will pass down the longer version of my sentiment of my father – with the Sashiko we are proud of.
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今日、10月16日は親父の命日です。6年経った今でも、正直実感がありません。日本に帰っていないからなのか……あるいは、親父の思いを背負ったからか。月命日に加え、やはり10月16日という時間は様々な想いが流れます。漫画ワンピース、Dr.ヒルルクの名言。「人はいつ死ぬと思う？・・・人に忘れられた時さ。」僕も似たような死生観を持っています。今日は親父との30年間を脳内に巡らせながら過ごすつもりです。お酒とLARK（煙草）の匂いが漂ってくるようで。
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何か写真を……と思ったのですが、ふと目についたのが、この2011年の僕の写真（以前紹介したっけか……？）。大槌刺し子支援への拠点があった遠野市での一枚です。パソコンを触る指に（光を当てた指に）、指ぬきが。体重は1.3倍以上になり、考え方も丸くなりましたが、なんだかんだで変わってません。やっぱり刺し子なんですよね。恵子さんとも話します。親父は、「父親」や「夫」という存在よりも、「戦友」と言った方が近いかもね……と。喧嘩ばかりでしたけど。またいつか、親父を語る配信とかできたら良いな。
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2019-10-16 01:08:52
It is just so difficult to be the right parent your child need! It is sad but happy too, when you realize how much your parents did for you, and how much of yourself comes from them. Arguing between old and new generation is normal, but the lack of respect from both sides is unacceptable. My dear lady, light today a candle for your father, and feel him once more, by your side💚
thank you for sharing this 🙏
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Such beautiful and honest words. Your father would be very proud you today. I still miss my father after 24 years without him. He is always with me in my heart. Have a peaceful day 💙
Dr.ヒルルクの言葉、深いですよね。想う相手もいれば、自分が、どこまで……考えます😔
💙🙏🏻💙
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Beautiful photo. Renascence
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Jewish people (like me) have a special word for the anniversary of someone’s death, especially a parent, because it is so important – “yahrzeit” – it is a day that you mark each year with a special prayer.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Is this you or your dad?
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your thoughts and feelings. This is the anniversary of my Dad’s passing too and today we conducted a memorial where we all shared memories about how he contributed to our lives positively. He was special despite his foibles, he left a legacy and that’s what l hope l can do. ❤️💜❤️
Today is October the 17th the anniversary of my father’s death and I saw your post. Our relationship was also troubled but he was my Dad and I loved him. My thoughts are with you.