In my childhood, a “gender (as a social role)” often confused me. I understood S

In my childhood, a “gender (as a social role)” often confused me. I understood Sashiko as the woman’s work (especially in the past). I was a first born son – who was “supposed” to succeed the “ family business” in Japanese normal. Naturally, I hated Sashiko as a child. Yet, Sashiko was always there. I wanted to be someone else. All the time. Throughout my childhood. 

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In order to be away from Sashiko, I had to learn what Sashiko was, to me, to my family, and to Japanese. No one had answers. No one replied to my groan. Therefore, I listened. I read. I stitched (although I didn’t like it). The more I learned about Sashiko, the more I wanted to be “someone else”. 

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After all the struggles, in 2014, I decided to spend my life for 3 women in 3 generations. My mother, my wife, and my daughter. These 3 women changed my life and how I look at Sashiko. I learned how to be okay with who I am even though I may not belong to “Sashiko” from a “gender role strictly & traditionally”. Please do not twist my words. I am NOT trying to force/ask/define anyone in any gender rules in Sashiko. I am just saying, for me, “gender and Sashiko” contains a few decades of stories. (Therefore it was very painful). Sashiko stitches are layers of my (our) breath. There are some who have “Life” behind Sashiko. There were many who contributed their whole lives to Sashiko. Let’s listen to their voice.

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よく配信で「襤褸は実はあまり好みじゃないんだよね〜。というか、（他人が作った襤褸は）手元に欲しくない」と言っていますが、恵子さんから受け継いだ襤褸っぽい布だけは、どうも手放せずにいたりします。母親好きというのも勿論あるんでしょうが、「後は淳がご自由に（売るにしろ手を加えるにしろ）」という言葉と一緒に何か目に見えないものも受け取っている感じがして、なかなか値段が付けられずにいます。単なる布なのにね。コロナで商売厳しいなら売っちゃえばいいのに……ぼーっと布をみる時間が増えたような気もします。昔から、

「自分じゃない誰か」にずーっとなりたかったのに、最近は昔みたもう一人と語ってるような気がするんだよなぁ。

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2020-09-08 08:05:16

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