I may be just trying to be the one who I wanted (needed) to meet when I was a child. ☆
怒りの中で思うのは、僕を形作る記憶の数々。僕は、幼少期、空想の世界の中で、「こんな大人がいたら」と助けを求めていた誰かになろうとしているだけなのかもしれません。お金を求め、力（権力）に畏れ、常に何かに縋ろうとしていた人々が偉そうにしていた生活環境の中で、「見返りを求めず自分を主張できる人」というのは、憧れでもあり、そうなりたいという夢でもありました。結局、本の中でしか出会えなかったけど。
☆
なぜ怒るのか。実は、僕が怒りを抱いている人のイメージが、2013年以前の僕自身と重なるからです。大嫌いだった父親とも重なるからです。人は、残念ながら、「聞きたいこと」しか聞かず、「知りたいこと」だけを知ろうとします。都合の悪い現実（自分が想定したもの以外）を目の前に突きつけられた時、頭を垂れて教えを乞える人は、そんなに多くありません。でもね、もし、その「都合の悪い真実」を突きつけているのが自分自身だとしたら……？刺し子は究極の所、（布と針を通した）自分との会話です。だからこそ、そんな刺し子と出会ってくれた方だからこそ、「今、何を読んでいるか、瞬間湯沸かし器のように反応しないで気を配ることができる」ようになって欲しいのです。
☆
反省点は、僕自身が求めすぎ、また理想を抱きすぎたこと。お言葉を借りれば、真面目すぎたんです。僕は変わらずに、英語では「有料でも読みたい」と思ってくれる人を対象に頑張ります。無料だから流し読みするだけで、お金払ってれば流し読みする人はいないでしょ（いたとしても議論するだけの価値はそこにあると思うので）。
☆
☆
[Note]
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I will no longer write a story in this account in English. The posts on July 19th and 20th explain why. I switched the platform of my stories to Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/sashiko) purely to protect myself from “thoughtless” audience. It would be great if you could consider joining the caring community there. For newcomers, please read the previous posts and our website. There is A LOT of reading there, and I do not plan to delete them as of now. If you happen to like our concept of sharing the Sashiko we practice, and would like to hear more from me, please consider joining the supportive community. Thank you for your understanding. I did my best until July 20th, and I felt it reached up to my capacity to have “ideal” to everyone. ☆
2019-07-20 22:33:01
💓 Your works inspires
Thank you for your explanation and for your patience with us who are trying to understand. 😊
It seems like a reasonable move to make. I feel like you are sharing your knowledge and it is a gift. I agree that you and we should honor your talent, knowledge, and the gift.
It seems like a reasonable move to make. I feel like you are sharing your knowledge and it is a gift. I agree that you and we should honor your talent, knowledge, and the gift.
Thank you for everything you have shared.
I’m very sad that you will give up on Instagram. I’ve enjoyed your posts for a while. As a Japanese-American, I understand the battle of cultural appropriation; who has permission, authenticity, etc. At the moment, the conversation is quite tense. I hope that in time, you can reconsider and come back. Feel free to disregard ignorant comments that are bound to appear anywhere on social media once you get a big enough following. It is not your job to fix ignorant people. We can agree to disagree, and feel free not to respond. Take some rest.
Boundaries are important! Take care of yourself 🙂
I will miss your posts
👏they made me happy and try to come back 🙏❤️😢
Thank you for the work you did here- please know it’s appreciated ✨
I’ve loved your posts. Thank you for sharing in two languages your thoughts. I think the effort and care you showed by doing that to be most impressive and I was grateful for you sharing with us. 💕
💙💙🌿
❤️